extremely close to ejaculation

Sometimes when I come extremely close to ejaculation and feel a small discharge of seminal fluid coming up, I loosen my sphincter and body muscles suddenly to stop ejaculation. Then a totally different flavor of a new orgasm comes. The source of this orgasm is dick here

thinking masterbating with men.

i have never been gay. but lately i find myself thinking masterbating with men. i am in my 50’s. i have never done it before. i am married. i feel so guilty. help xxxx