hello Mr Cox, I think being bisexual can often be quite a lonely journey.  That is the sad, sad, truth. Even though I have a fantastic wife, she can never fully understand me, though she tries her best. I love her more than words can say. Crazy as it sounds, Every time I read that website “cumm.co.uk“, I can feel it. Being bisexual, nothing like being wrapped in the big strong arms of a Man who doesn’t question or judge, just understands and gives willingly of himself. Sometimes, often really, I think that it can be more intimate than any sexual act. I’ve been working off and on for the past year or so on “my story”. Far more of it is about confusion, pain, and loneliness than anything else. As cliche as it sounds, it really is a journey of self-discovery. I feel that slowly but surely I am figuring out who I am, what I really need, and how to best mesh that with what my loved ones (and life in general), need from me. For the longest time I thought I was walking a tightrope trying to accomplish this, and only recently realised it’s ME that made it a tightrope, and it’s only ME that can widen it, turn it into a path, a road, a highway. I’ll get there! It won’t be easy, but I Will Never Give Up. If a man enjoys both men and women he is by nature bisexual bi/ Jay

I can totally relate to you Jay. I am married to a wonderful woman who accepts me as I am. But I do know that I have other attractions. What makes me incredibly lucky is that my wife has confessed that she would like some lesbian adventure. During my teenage years, in the 1980’s, things were very binary. I was straight because I was a boy. It was pretty much like this, parents, school, society, peers, girls, everything was screaming at me to conform. I remember enjoying the simple act of getting naked in front of my schoolmates during weekly trips to the swimming pool. Without knowing why, I felt no shyness taking my trunk down and staying nude for long minutes while drying my body. I love watching other’s dick and comparing. But I couldn’t associate this to anything. I still wanted to kiss girls. Adult, I started to get confused. My 20’s were a dating disaster. I just believed I was one of the lads, one of the guys who move from partner to partner and can’t commit. But in my early 30’s it hit me. I was attracted to men. Still women though. But how to square this? I entered depression. I didn’t date for nearly 5 years, focusing on masturbation as my sole sexuality. I tried a bit of crossdressing and realised how better I felt wearing tights and dress and wig. I learned to accept my sexxuality as strange and absolutely closeted. Nobody should ever know that side of me. Until I met a guy. We worked together but also lived in the same building and went to the same gym. One day, I came back from exercising and I saw him sat in the changing room. He was alone. He was eating a banana (yes, imagine it…) He was manspreading and he was hard. Also, he was bloody huge down there! He looked at me, I looked at his dick. I was naked. I became hard. He only said a few words and soon i was wanking him. I knew then that I liked men. I’ve been to clubs, been naked with men, been with women. I feel safe, better, more confident when I am with men. But I still want to grow old with a woman. I am happily married to a wife who doesn’t know everything about me, but most. I still crossdress, but only with other men, admirers. I know what I like and what makes me feel good. But it has been a long journey that included despair and even suicidal thoughts. I am not out yet and never will be. I live my sexuality in secrecy and just wish I didn’t have to. Maybe it is just courage that I lack. But I don’t believe acceptance is ready out there. To not conform to simplistic and ancestral view of sexuality can only lead to being ostracized. Sad, but all so true.

Babas

3 thoughts on “Jay’s Philosophy

  1. I can totally relate to you Jay. I am married to a wonderful woman who accepts me as I am. But I do know that I have other attractions. What makes me incredibly lucky is that my wife has confessed that she would like some lesbian adventure. During my teenage years, in the 1980’s, things were very binary. I was straight because I was a boy. It was pretty much like this, parents, school, society, peers, girls, everything was screaming at me to conform. I remember enjoying the simple act of getting naked in front of my schoolmates during weekly trips to the swimming pool. Without knowing why, I felt no shyness taking my trunk down and staying nude for long minutes while drying my body. I love watching other’s dick and comparing. But I couldn’t associate this to anything. I still wanted to kiss girls.
    Adult, I started to get confused. My 20’s were a dating disater. I just believed I was one of the lads, one of the guys who move from partner to partner and can’t commit. But in my early 30’s it hit me. I was attracted to men. Still women though. But how to square this? I entered depression. I didn’t date for nearly 5 years, focusing on masturbation as my sole sexuality. I tried a bit of crossdressing and realised how better I felt wearing tights and dress and wig. I learned to accept my sexxuality as strange and absolutely closeted. Nobody should ever know that side of me.
    Until I met a guy. We worked together but also lived in the same building and went to the same gym. One day, I came back from exercising and I saw him sat in the changing room. He was alone. He was eating a banana (yes, imagine it…) He was manspreading and he was hard. Also, he was bloody huge down there! He looked at me, I looked at his dick. I was naked. I became hard. He only said a few words and soon i was wanking him. I knew then that I liked men.
    I’ve been to clubs, been naked with men, been with women. I feel safe, better, more confident when I am with men. But I still want to grow old with a woman. I am happily married to a wife who doesn’t know everything about me, but most. I still crossdress, but only with other men, admirers. I know what I like and what makes me feel good. But it has been a long journey that included despair and even suicidal thoughts. I am not out yet and never will be. I live my sexuality in secrecy and just wish I didn’t have to. Maybe it is just courage that I lack. But I don’t believe acceptance is ready out there. To not conform to simplistic and ancestral view of sexuality can only lead to being ostracized. Sad, but all so true.

  2. I respect Jay’s point of view in as far as he defines it. As a gay man who never fancies women he clearly has it sorted. Black and white as he says. But for me, I deal with it every day. My neck has constant whiplash from rubber-necking at every attractive jogger in the park – Hot girls seem to be as common as hot men for me. I make eye contact with the men and find some looking back. I feel like a dirty old man to make eye contact with the women. My actual sexual desire rises and falls towards women and men at different times. All I know is that I am generally Hornier the older I get. I wank to both types of porn. I have great sex with my wife but not nearly enough is on offer. I have refrained from cheating on her with women because that seems lacking in gallantry. And she is HOT…. I love her and have had discussions about not wanting a platonic marriage. The sex frequency and quality improves for a while then slips back and my eyes wander again. So every now and then I have a quiet wank with a bloke or book a massage. I’ve tried going further but found that each time I do, the reality less attractive than the fantasy – which seems clear to me to now know the boundary of my attractions. It’s mostly a fetish with dick and nuts and a sacred bonding between brothers that I just really enjoy and value alongside my marriage. Others may have a different view. But within the limits Of what I found workS for me, this makes sense. If I wasn’t married, I would definitely do different things. But I am and I like being married to this woman. Does she know? No. Or at least we never speak of it. I am not afraid of identifying as something else. I am simply aware that Gay men seem impatient with us bi guys because they assume we are simply “in transition” or “in denial”. But equally, very few women will share their man with another set of blokes. Bi is a lonely place that neither gay men nor women like or permit you to be.

    1. Yes Bob
      Well put, I can relate to all of that. Being attracted to both men and women sometimes puts a strain on the neck muscles as there are twice as many moments when you would just like to at least just stop and stare appreciatively. How to deal with it? Rather like you. Things have changed in our lifetimes and will go on changing. Whether society can ever totally be relaxed with multiple versions of bi/gay/straight I don’t know .we seem to need to put people in neat little boxes and it doesn’t work because people are not that simple.
      The site is a lovely resource for understanding sexuality and accepting oneself. Even if it can seem to be a bit of a haven for size queens and thus personally rather daunting. The fact that we have to pussyfoot around others acceptance and feelings is all part of being human and grown up.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.