Hello. I’m 24 years old and a healthy gay man. However, I’ve been struggling with getting my dick hard or keeping it hard when I’m with another man. It frustrate me and I don’t know how to deal with this. I receive a lot of invites for dates or sex, but I feel afraid that I won’t function so I’ve been avoiding relationships. Could you help me anyway, please? Anonymous

When I was in my 20’s I sometime had the same problem when I was with someone for the first time, I think the anxiety got the best of me. If you’re a healthy guy it’s probably not a physical condition. You’ll be fine!


16 thoughts on “struggling to get my dick hard

  1. It’s called performance anxiety . It’s like stage fright. You really want to perform and you put so much pressure on yourself that, you scare yourself out of it. Alot of times it happens when you really like someone and you want to please them. Believe it happens to everyman at some point. As you gain more confidence it will not happen as often. Just relax and be happy with you , than it will happen on it’s own 1 Best Wishes

  2. In my 20’s I got hard at the drop of boxers. Now that I’m 40 now, it doesn’t happen as regularly as it should – as in never. My doc said my body stopped making testosterone in my 20s, actually at 28. The only was I get aroused is when I’m alone, and when or if I do cum, it’s barely nothing. I am a little, well, alot scared. I guess the next question is am I broken?

    1. Start taking garlic and vitamin c capsules together, this will make you cum harder and youll want to do it more frequently then.

    2. Hi Mike,

      I am Craig. I am 57. I went through the same thing as you are describing. I went on hormone replacement therapy and everything has gotten better. I get morning wood, spontaneous boners during the day (sometimes) and my sexual appetite has increased to that of when I was in my 20s. I am very glad I went on HRT.

  3. I’m a straight but curious man in his 40s I find it very hard (excuse the pun) to get very hard or hard at all when I’m with a woman, mabye I need to try a man?

    1. Same. As of lately, my erections seem to disappear after 5 or so minutes of intercourse with my wife.

  4. I’m now 40 and have been having the same problem for all my live. I can’t tell about you for sure but it has probably nothing to do with blood circulation (at your age, very unlikely) but with anxiety and sensitivity. For example, I get rock hard when I’m fully relaxed and masturbating alone or if I’m totally comfortable with my sex partner. It can be very tricky in a world that is so cold with people expecting you to be some kind of machine coming out of a porn and when you want to do it in an “hostile” environment like cruising areas, saunas, etc. Also I noticed that with some men, even if I see them 10 times, I’ll never get hard and with some others, it works the first time. You click or you don’t and some people seem to be psychologically “castrating” in some way. Unfortunately, I’d say that you have to learn coping with it, benzos (anti-anxiety pills) don’t make it better and are a nightmare in the long run, pot opens imagination and sex drive but can worsen anxiety, alcohol is a road leading to flat dick and addiction. I’m sure a lot of gay men go bottom because it’s easier this way if you know what I mean. Personally, I feel alright about it now. I find my sex partners on the Internet and have them coming to my house, a place I am comfortable in and I tend to have long term fuck buddies because the more i know them the more I am at ease with them. One of the key is accepting that we are humans with emotions and sensitivity, that life is not a cheap porn and that you don’t have to be like everybody around. I hope it will get better for you and you’ll find your way. Good luck !

    1. Wow…
      I love your response!!! I’ve had this issue for use yrs now myself. It is very fu*king upsetting for me. Because I want to have sex and just can’t get or stay hard. I’m trying to deal with it. I’ve used pills and it only helps for a l while.

  5. I have never had the problem. I’m not bragging, it’s just a statement of fact. I have friends, however, who have occupied themselves for years with wondering if they find a man that looks interesting, that appeals to them sexually, will they be able to perform in a way that will permit them to acquit themselves appropriately. My observation indicates that these friends were repressed in early childhood by parents that had strong religious or moral reservations against same sex interactions. They feel that their parents or ancestors, or God, Himself, would disapprove of their desires to be sexually fulfilled by a same sex partner. Accordingly, their inhibitions make them their own worst enemies. I’ve also noticed that the men they find they can perform with are very often the men they are least attracted to. In other words, if they can be sure that any dalliance would be a fleeting thing, they know it won’t last, can’t last, they can perform, since there will be no continuity or longevity to an ensuing relationship. The more likely they think a potential relationship has to be successful, the less likely they are to be able to consummate the preliminary steps to establish it. In other words, a one night stand has a much better chance to see everything go well, than a potential life long relationship has. If a one night stand starts to look promising, and the one nighters start to run together, performance often falls off, more and more, as the intimacy increases… They’re not supposed to be doing this, you see! … RobtheElder

    1. Dear Anonymous,

      Your post goes back a while so it may be you have found out the cause or perhaps overcome this problem. If not though it sounds very much like you could have PSSD due to the medication you mention taking. Look it up, hope I am wrong, but worth investigating.


  6. When I was in my 20’s I sometime had the same problem when I was with someone for the first time, I think the anxiety got the best of me. If you’re a healthy guy it’s probably not a physical condition. Look on sites like lpsg.com for help and support. You’ll be fine!

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