Hi Seb, I hope you are well. I hope you find the time to read this e-mail with patience and understanding. First let me tell you about my situation and how I feel and then you can tell me if or how you are able to help me. I’m 24, a gay man. I have not been sexually active for some time. Most of my friends don’t understand why I cant find a boyfriend or at least a ‘shag’, they say ‘you’re a sweet looking guy you should have no problem meeting someone.’ However, I know that the problems lies within me. I have very low self-esteem when it comes to my body and how i feel about it. There is nothing wrong with it externally except that I don’t have a very large penis, I guess its average to small. However, in my mind I have shut down sexually. I feel I’m a very sexual person who is blocked or trapped by his internal inhibitions and low self- esteem. I feel tremendous pressure from the gay world to be the biggest, the most hung, the prettiest – u know what I mean. I’m looking for a serious relationship and if I’m to find the man of my dreams I must sort this problem out. Its causing me a lot of stress and even depression and I’m not sexually active which I really need to be. I’m usually more passive, very sensual and sweet. The thought of going to a ‘masseur’ like you has crossed my mind a few times but I never really wanted to ‘pay for it’ as they say – there was an element of shame in having to pay someone, almost like you are not good enough to get it on your own. However I need to do this for myself if I’m going to sort my problem out. I’m genuine and it took a lot of soul searching to get to the point of writing this e-mail. Can you help me? Thank you so much for taking the time to read this e-mail. Yours, Kevin.

Bless You Kevin. A very clever man once told me “if your life does not exactly add up, you need to subtract”. You need to make space for what ever it is you want to happen. You need to be brave. PENIS SIZE DOES MATTER, we have to be honest about that some gay men will only have sex with men who have big ones. On the other hand their are many, many men who see a man as a “complete package” and see intimacy with another man as more than shoving a few inches into an orifice. Good luck on your sacred journey. A Big Hug,

Grandad Cox

Because, when the sun shine, we shine together

Told you I’ll be here forever

Said I’ll always be your friend

Took an oath, I’ma stick it out to the end

Now that it’s raining more than ever

Know that we’ll still have each other

You can stand under my umbrella

You can stand under my umbrella, ella, ella, eh, eh, eh

Under my umbrella,

Umbrella (Bluegrass Cover by Tommy Miller)

5 thoughts on “Under My Umberella!

  1. I’m 60 years old and I\ve never had sex with a man or a woman. The reasons? [1] I’ve battled a severe social anxiety disorder my whole life – since about 5 years old. [1967] [2] I realized about 8 years old that I was a”fag”. a “fairy”.Hey it was 1970/71 not a good time to discover you are gay. Gays were sexual deviants. There was one very effeminate gay man in toen who worked as a waiter. They called him “The Waitress” [3] Very small town Imagine being 8 years old and having a disorder that makes being social a scary thing and hiding a huge secret.
    At 25 years old [1986] I was officially diagnosded. WHAt was I told by the doctor?I had been having panic attacks. “I’m sorry we have nothing to offer you. There is no treatment for anxiety type disorders. YOu need to BUCK UP and move on with your life.” So I spent the next 25 years sitting at home watching TV 5-12+ every day and using food for comfort. Now I weigh 320 lbs so I gave up on “having sex with a man” a while ago. I turn myself off .Whose gonna want to have sex with me?

  2. Hi
    U made me smile .. i am « actually » in your same situation
    Far older than you had active sexual life but i do not know why even if quite handsome face and body , i had long period 2-4 years steady affairs , but other times i had no success at all ! Why ? I wonder why !
    Actually older i need sex , found escorts 3 times , 2 were not really interesting but one ,i loved his cock .. now it is one month i am hesitating to get decision to contact and have sex again with him .. procrastinating .. i have another contact for nude tantric massage & sex . A nice young 40 yo guy same situation i wish but cannot decide .. . My sexual appetite is very erratic , sometimes very active , sometimes static for long periods
    U r as you r .. more u try to « be like the others» more u suffer .. be yourself Do introspection do some yoga it helps to fit better in your mind and body. And be confident , u will find what u r looking for …
    Do not think of yourself as a fag gay queer
    U r a man that can have different sexual games with men or women or both or none .. it is u your « sexual fluidity » gay world is a mentally bad world .. i stop to have friends in there 40 years ago , i stay with st8 people and when i feel for sex in parks saunas or escort , but gay world is toxic is a ghetto imho not my mentality ..
    reading here i learned to be a fluid sexuality man , and feel fine with myself
    take care

  3. The journey to self acceptance is a rocky road for older guys in the uk. Especially Scotland and the north. Took me decades of experience and exploration to activate management of my sexuality. Today I am shame free and proud. Carpe diem Bro.

  4. Dear Seb,

    I can so relate to your reader “xxx”, I’m dealing with the exact same issue as my body issues are opposite his, maybe you can pass onto him my email address so that maybe we can help each other out with these issues of ours? Couldn’t hurt right?


    Btw, love love your website!!

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